


Phones and Prejudice

by WarnerHedgehog



Series: Apologies to Jane Austen [3]
Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Gen, Phones, Pokemon GO References, wifi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 04:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8357461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarnerHedgehog/pseuds/WarnerHedgehog
Summary: Originally appearing as an 'exclusive' on Facebook, this is yet another daft warping of P&P. This probably owes it's existence to many sources: Red Dwarf, Bill Bailey, Fry & Laurie, Mitchell and Webb to name but a few.





	

"Ah, Mr Darcy, have you a signal?" asked Mr Bingley as he waggled his phone.  
"Alas no, for my network is a trifle poor. Mrs Bennett, do you have WiFi?" replied Darcy.  
"That I do Mr So-Called Darcy, but it is not for the likes of you, for you have shamed my daughter Lizzie with your continued use of Instagram and your pictures of your lunch." whinged the mad old bat.  
Mr Bennett looked over the top of his broadsheet copy of the Beano, "For once I must agree with Mrs Bennett. Our WiFi is not to be used for frivolous purposes such as videos of cats playing the piano, for our extremely silly daughters would do nothing else should they be allowed that privilege." He commented, "Catching up with current events is fine as is ordering the complete works of Francesco Mancini on Amazon, but anyone who is inclined to watch clips of skateboarding rabbits on YouTube cannot be allowed access. That is my final word and I am not to be moved on the subject."  
"For once I agree with Mr Bennett", snipped Mrs Bennett, "Such things affect my nerves so, the lord knows how much I suffer with my nerves!" This prompted all of England to roll their eyes.  
Many weeks later, after much poncing about, with a lot of exchanging emails and tedious notes, Elizabeth Bennett was sat in the drawing room of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She had just captured another Pokémon, something she would never do at home for fear of incurring the wrath of her father and being compared to her eternally silly sisters.  
She was interrupted in her examination of her catch by her host, "What have you caught my girl? I insist on knowing what goes on within my house."  
"I have merely caught a PukeAchoo my lady." Elizabeth replied.  
"I assure you that could I be bothered to work out how to operate a phone and not be utterly technologically illiterate, then I would be quite an expert at catching Poker Mong." wittered the loopy old trout.  
Mr Collins was about to put his wet and oily opinion in when the story was interrupted by Jane Austen herself, who was massively annoyed at Warner Hedgehog for ruining her perfectly good work. Within minutes, her army of angry legal eagles had swarmed the page and rounded up all of the warped characters and stuffed them into a poxy wicker basket for processing later. "Never do this story again, Hedgehog." One of them muttered.  
Seemingly humbled by Jane's sudden appearance, Warner Hedgehog solemnly promised never to wreck Pride and Prejudice again. With his fingers crossed.


End file.
